I am not one who waits patiently. I think of myself as time efficient and and the inconvenience and frustration of waiting does not for efficiency make. I look for the shortest lines in stores. I wash dishes, mop or dust while I'm on the phone. I read and stir pots at the same time. I combine history lessons with field trips. I may be traveling the country in an RV but I love airplanes because they get you from point A to B ever so much faster. I know people who, when faced with a stoplight, pause and pray. I admire them but I am not one of them.
The greatest lesson of my life, over and over, is waiting. For the entirety of 2010 I was waiting. Waiting for word of Donald's retirement date. Waiting for healing. Waiting for word of Donald's retirement settlement. Waiting for a what's next plan. 2011 is a continuation of the waiting. Waiting to hear about his settlement from the VA. Still waiting on that plan.
Nearly every time I sat down with my Bible over the last year and a half guess what theme I encountered? Interestingly enough, nearly every day, no matter what book or chapter, I read about someone waiting. After a few months of this message it became almost laughable. Okay, God, I get it. I'm supposed to wait.
I'm waiting. . .
Still waiting. . .
Hello? Yep, still here, still waiting. How 'bout that plan?
There are days when I think I am literally at the end of my small reserve of patience. There is physically an inner turmoil that something has got to change. Surely there has to be an end to the waiting. Surely today must be the day when it will all be made clear because I am beyond exhausted with living under question marks. Can I really wake up tomorrow and face another day, not knowing?
But I can. Deep down, in my soul, I can. What I can do is really the only thing that matters, the only thing keeping me sane. In this dark silence, when my head and stomach ache and my palms sweat, my soul will continue to wait because I know I am in His care and keeping. Time is self imposed and really means do-dah to the One who painstakingly and patiently created my being and has always chosen to reveal His plan to me in His time, not mine. Doing nothing is the hardest thing for me to do. But in doing nothing I am doing something. I am relying on Someone other than me. Someone who has a far better plan than I can make. In the silence that is my right now, my soul is learning to wait.